The Bible According to Kids

• The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:
• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
• Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
• Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
• Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
• The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
• Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
• The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
• Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
• Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
• St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
• He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
• A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
• A cheerful heart is good medicine… Prov 17:22a (NIV)